Thursday, October 27, 2016

To the Glee Club Kid...

Dear amateur college glee club kid... I am an audio technician for a living. That means I buy food, pay rent, and contribute materially to the well being of other humans who inhabit my domicile by doing what you see me doing right now. So please keep that in mind when you show up for your soundcheck insisting we have to use your own condensers, which you didn't bother to bring with you. Futhermore, when we offer ours (more than adequate AKG 391s), don't insist that, because you've practiced with yours, that they have to be used for this performance... which is in a parking lot, mind you... when you can't even tell me what mics they are, other than "condensers", and then smugly mention that they're "pretty expensive."
Your case is further diminished when you present an internet picture of a Shure SM81, which (sorry to tell you) isn't "pretty expensive", or, in any way special as far as these things go. In fact, the SM81 is one of the most utilitarian small diaphragm (sorry to get technical, Gleeboy) condensers I can think of. AKG 391s would be an acceptable substitution on any technical rider. (You know what that is, right?)
As (and I use the following term liberally to make a broader point) an artist, you probably find it impossible to fathom that anyone other than yourself is capable of understanding the intricacies, nuances, je nais se quois, etc... of your performance (again, in a god damned parking lot) as it relates to miking you. All I can really tell you is that only amateurs (and Vanilla Ice) have the uncanny mixture of ignorance and hubris that would allow them to condescend to a professional in such away.

By the way, I dropped your 81 on the parking lot.